Josephine's Birth Story

It had been days since I had any “practice” contractions. I was feeling more eager for the baby to come, although still nervous about the pain I knew I would experience. On Thursday, October 7th, I took Margaret to a nature reserve so that we could visit the nature center and go on a walk. At first I wasn’t sure I should do the whole loop, but I decided to do it even though it’s almost 2 miles. I had her in the stroller. I was proud of myself for doing it! They had a brand new playground as well and Margaret enjoyed that. 

That night, I got up to go to the bathroom around 12:30 AM and noticed some cramping. I thought, “well, we’ll see if this goes anywhere.” I kept feeling them off and on, probably almost 10 minutes apart. I remember a couple were more intense (even as I was laying down) and I thought, “hmm….” Eventually I must have fallen asleep because it didn’t feel like I had been up all night when I got up the next morning. I was still awake in the early hours of the morning, probably from 4 AM-7 AM. I got up with the girls and started making myself a smoothie while Craig got them breakfast. I remember feeling contractions as I went around the kitchen, but they weren’t strong enough for me to stop what I was doing or anything. I started to notice a pattern, where I had two close together and then a longer break. I kept getting ready and took a quick shower. It seemed the contractions weren’t going away this time (unlike previous times when I got up in the morning) so I decided to call the midwife on call at the Minnesota Birth Center where I had chosen to give birth. I described what I was experiencing and that since this was my third baby, I would want to leave for the birth center earlier than I would if it was my first. She said that would be fine, but said the pattern of my contractions could mean the baby wasn’t in the most optimal position of all, and suggested some positions I could labor in that may help. One was laying on my side with my upper leg all the way up on the bed and another was doing side lunges during contractions. I told her I would try those for 30 minutes and then call back. I called my friend Loie who had previously offered to come and watch my girls. She’s the best! She headed over right away. 

    

I tried those positions for a half hour and then called back saying I wanted to come in to have coaching through those positions. I wanted to have that support even though my labor could still be in early stages. She said that was totally fine. Craig and I left the house at 9 AM, Friday morning. 

    

When we arrived at the birth center, they were just finishing getting one of the birthing rooms ready. I wore a laboring and birth gown with snap buttons that I had bought online and everyone commented on how cute it was. The midwife on call was named Kerry Horton, APRN, CNM. They asked if it was okay if a student midwife also attended the birth and I agreed. Her name was Katie. Both of them were wonderful throughout the whole process, particularly Katie. She was passionate about speaking affirming words and seemed very in tune with where I was at throughout labor. Shortly after we arrived, my doula, Sarah Stejskal, arrived. I hired her through the Minnesota Birth Center’s doula internship program. She was also so wonderful throughout! I was so grateful for the support of these 3 women.

Towards the beginning of our time at the birth center, Craig gave me a priesthood blessing. He blessed me that I would be able to have rest between contractions and that my mind would be focused. He left a blessing on all those around me that they would know how to care for me and that I would be able to accept their help. He reminded me that I am a loving mother and that this baby would be in good hands.

With the coaching of my doula and the midwives, we started trying different positions that would help each contraction be productive in helping the baby settle into the best position to move down. We started with Craig behind me, holding my belly up while I curved my tailbone into him. I felt good being supported by him and enjoyed this position. For the first while, I did feel a little anxious about progressing well in labor. I had this little fear that I would be sent home if I didn’t progress enough, even though that fear was probably silly. Things still seemed to be slow for a while, and we enjoyed socializing with the midwives and my doula between contractions. We talked and laughed. I wanted the contractions to get more intense, and yet I didn’t at the same time! I wanted the baby to get here but I knew there was hard work ahead. I kept eating here and there a drinking gatorade to keep my energy up. 

My doula also did what they call “shaking the apples” with a cloth wrapped around my hips. That also felt good during contractions. I sat on the toilet and did the pelvis tilt while holding up my belly and I also sat on the ball intermittently while leaning forward. I listened to some birth and labor meditations to get my mind in the right zone. I was too much in the “thinking” brain at the beginning and I knew I needed to surrender to my body and let it all happen. They also played peaceful music whenever I wanted it. We had some orange oil going in the diffuser too because I know that citrus scents help me feel reenergized. 

Around lunch time I ate half a peanut butter jelly sandwich. I remember hoping things would progress quickly soon. I was still very calm and able to talk and socialize between contractions. I told myself the baby would come before nighttime! 

Between lunchtime and Josephine’s birth at 4:32 PM, I honestly don’t remember when things took a turn. I just kept doing different positions and the sensations of labor gradually became more intense. I remember I tried the side lunges with one leg up on the tub and those were probably effective, but they hurt! I sat on the ball longer and did more meditations. As they got closer together, I decided to get in the tub to try out the water. 

I have to say here that throughout, the two midwives and my doula offered so much encouragement and support. They complimented how I handled each contraction and assured me that I was making progress and that the baby was coming down. They told me I was doing great with listening to my body and that my body knew what it was doing. All of their comments were intentional and given with love. My doula, Sarah, had told me before that she would always speak truth into my ears during difficult moments and she did. The midwives knew that my previous birth in a hospital was not the best experience, and they wanted me to feel totally supported and not alone. They did great at making that happen. They told me I was strong, beautiful, and that they were so honored to be a part of this birth. Their words gave my heart peace and encouragement. They also always asked me, “Marianne, can I listen to the baby?” each time before they placed the doppler on my belly. They are all about consent and telling you what they are doing!

In the tub, the water felt great. Craig sat on the ledge behind me and poured water on my back during contractions. I was considering giving birth in the water, but as I tried to get in a comfortable position, I couldn’t find it. I knew I didn’t want to recline in the water, and with leaning forward, that’s a long time to be on your knees. They put pads under my knees, but even then, I just couldn’t feel great about it. I got up and said, “I don’t think I can give birth here.” They were totally supportive and helped me to the bed. I wanted to be on my hands and knees again (like I was right before Margaret was born) probably just because it was familiar to me. They put the peanut ball with some pillows on top of it for me to lean on and I got to work. 

Again, I have no idea what the timeline was, but it was here that things got REAL! The contractions got really intense and I started groaning through them. Some of them were still 3-4 minutes apart though and I remember thinking, “I appreciate the break, but when will it get to the part where I hardly get a break and she’s almost here?” They were rubbing my back and I had a cold wash cloth around my neck. I was sweating a lot. There were a couple contractions that were so intense I almost rose up like I wanted to get up and run away. My midwife later told me she saw that look on my face and knew we were close because that fear is normal during transition. You want to get out of there! The pain was so intense and this is when I started having thoughts like, “why does anyone do this? Why the heck would anyone NOT get an epidural? This is crazy and almost unbearable!” 

I was so eager to start pushing. I still wasn’t feeling that urge to push that people talk about, but I wanted to just so this would end. The student midwife Katie asked me about my fears. She could tell I was feeling uncertain and nervous. My breathing was short and shallow. I said, “I just want my pushing to be productive!” She said, “Do you want me to check you to reassure you that it could be time to push?” I said yes. They had not checked my cervix at all during the whole labor. They only check you if you want to be checked. Well, she was about to check and said, “Oh, we can see the head, no need to check! You can definitely push!” 

I thought that pushing would feel like a relief, but, it was still REALLY painful! I’m not sure why because they said she was in the perfect position. I felt every sensation. When she crowned, the ring of fire was real! The stinging was intense. The midwives held warm compresses against my perineum to support me and prevent tearing. I was very grateful for that, because in the end I had only a super tiny tear that didn’t require stitches. They encouraged me to push during the contraction and to pause between. That was one of the hardest parts–when I had to hold it during the crowning of her head. But it was essential to giving my perineum time to stretch! Once her head came out, there was some relief, but her shoulders hurt too! After her head came out was when my water broke. They said she was born with the amniotic sac intact. After her shoulders were born, she slid out into Katie and Craig’s hands. Katie said, “Marianne, reach down!” I picked her up and placed her on my chest. I was gasping with relief and out of breath! I immediately said, “I want to sit down!” (I was on my knees). They rearranged the pillows so I could recline back and rest with my baby. She was all purple and gray but obviously breathing. They rubbed her down on my chest and checked her all out from there. They didn’t need to do any suctioning because her breathing was good. This was the first time I got to hold my baby right after birth!

They told me her cord was the longest they had ever seen! Most umbilical cords are between 12-24 inches long. Hers was 36 inches! They had Craig clamp it when the time was right. They also showed me the placenta which was born about 5 minutes after the birth. Kerry remarked, “you can see how it looks like the tree of life.” I had heard that before, but was surprised she also knew of that spiritual connection! I loved that. The midwives and my doula were definitely spiritual people. 

We enjoyed just relaxing with our baby in the bed for a while. I wasn’t fully aware of all that was going on around me of course. Eventually I tried nursing her and she latched fine. We later had to use a nipple shield off and on for the first week. At this birth center, one of their traditions is bringing the couple a loaf of homemade bread with butter and honey after the birth. Pretty awesome tradition, right!?! We ate our bread and enjoyed our rest. Two hours or so after the birth, they have the mom get in the tub with an herbal postpartum sitz bath. I cannot describe the relief I felt getting in the warm water and soaking! It felt so good! I love that they do that. During this time, they do the newborn exam and weighed and measured her. Josephine is our biggest baby! We ordered some food to be delivered and continued to relax and enjoy our beautiful baby. 

The midwives and my doula spoke to me individually, getting down at my level and told me how incredible I was and how amazing I did. I told them I felt like I was losing it at certain points and felt a little in shock by how painful it was. I think on the outside I looked mostly calm but on the inside I thought I was going crazy. I later asked Craig, “wasn’t I yelling/screaming?” He told me I never yelled, I only groaned loudly during those last few contractions before pushing. But I guess I was yelling in my head! Eventually all the staff left except for the nurses on call. 

At this birthing center, they discharge families around 4-6 hours after birth, assuming everything is going well. People are always shocked to hear this, but you have to remember that they are serving healthy, low-risk women. They also don’t have the facility and staff resources to take care of you for 48 hours like a hospital does. They give you detailed discharge instructions on monitoring you and the baby for the first 72 hours or so. Craig was diligent at taking my pulse and the baby’s respiration rate, and our temperature at all the recommended intervals. They also have a nurse do a home visit at the 24 hour mark to check you and the baby. I think if I didn’t have someone with me who could totally support me, I wouldn’t want to go home that early, but because Craig took off the whole week following, it was fine. We went home around 9:30 PM to sleep in our own bed. Loie had done great with the kids and was able to go home and sleep in her own bed! 

Overall, I couldn’t have been happier with the care my family and I received at the birth center. The atmosphere was very different than a hospital room, and that’s what I wanted. The philosophy of the birth center is that birth is a normal, physiological event that doesn’t need to be so medicalized, except in cases of high risk pregnancies. At the same time, they had all of the training and safety measures in case of an emergency, and the hospital was literally across the street if there was a need to be transferred. I felt like it was the best of both worlds! 

I am also so grateful to Craig, who was alongside me throughout the process. The midwives and my doula coached him on how to help me through different positions and I so appreciated his loving, supportive hands. 

Now if only we could do something about the pain! Ha. That is the only thing I didn’t like. I think I always feel a little shocked/traumatized by it right after it happens. But even now, over 2 weeks later, my brain is starting to minimize it (“it was only an hour of my life, after all”). I handle labor very well until transition. Then fear creeps in and I struggle to surrender. One of the midwives later told me she thinks it’s biological that we forget the intensity of the pain, otherwise we would never have subsequent children! Also, this experience has made me wonder if the nitrous oxide I had during Margaret’s birth DID help me a little bit after all, because I don’t remember the sensations being so intense at the end. I had always felt that it didn’t help me at all, it just made me feel loopy. But maybe the loopy feeling was a good thing! This time around with Josephine, I felt everything. It was my first totally unmedicated birth and every sensation was vivid and raw. 

There you have it! We are so grateful to have Josephine here! She is a pretty calm baby so far. She hardly cries or spits up, but grunts a lot! She’s been opening her eyes a lot more lately and has more awake time. We love our squishy girl!