Margaret's Birth Story
Our sweet Margaret Eve was born on November 30th at 4:02 AM weighing 7 lbs 12 ozs. We are all in love with her, and so far Lucy loves being a big sister.
My due date came and went, and I wasn't too surprised or troubled. Lucy was born at 40 weeks and 5 days, so perhaps this baby would come around that time too, I thought. Besides, due dates just mess with your head! They have a two week margin of error and I wasn't going to let myself worry yet.
And yet, I felt impatient! I wanted this baby to come. I also slightly feared needing to be induced. Induction has risks, including an unwanted C-section if your body doesn't respond and your water has been broken for over 24 hours. I also was hoping to have an unmedicated birth. However, I knew that I would be willing to undergo any medical procedure if it was for me or my baby's safety.
To understand my perspective, it should be known that I read the books, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and The Gift of Giving Life during pregnancy. These two books demonstrated to me that there are many pros to an unmedicated birth, for many different reasons which I won't go into here. I will just say that it made an unmedicated birth very desirable to me.
Thanksgiving was also the same day as my birthday, and we enjoyed the day with friends in the ward. On Black Friday afternoon, we went to my appointment and ultrasound. At this point I was 40 weeks and 6 days. During the ultrasound they informed me that my water was very low. A range of 10-20 is normal, 5-10 is okay, but my level was 4.15. If it were to continue to decline, the umbilical cord would be at risk. The nurse practitioner I saw that day called my midwife at the hospital to consult, and then told me I should go in to be induced that evening. I was so surprised! Induction had been on my mind lately, and so I'm glad I had time to mentally prepare myself for that possibility.
We drove home in a tizzy to pack our things and take Lucy to our friends' house. I felt nervous, but excited. I remember thinking that at this point, I should probably expect to receive an epidural. Contractions from induction medication can be very strong and intense, and most women don't go pain-med free when being induced. I didn't want to have that expectation on myself, and I was fine with that.
When we got to the hospital we were left to get situated for a while. I promptly ordered dinner to ensure my energy levels would be up. I bounced on an exercise ball for a while to see if that could help prepare my body to go into labor. I also had applied a high amount of clary sage essential oil to specific points on my body to see if that would help.
After being checked, they told me I was dilated to a 3 and that this would definitely mean induction should go smoothly. It was also very likely to work because this was my 2nd child. To my surprise, when they hooked me up to monitor contractions, it showed I was already having some, about 5 minutes apart! I was so happy! I had noticed some back pain earlier, but thought it was just my typical pregnancy back pain! I would still be given pitocin, but at the lowest dose to help move things along.
The very kind nurse we had during this time stated that if there was anything spiritual we wanted to emphasize with our birth, they would be totally respectful of that. I told her my husband would give me a priesthood blessing before we started the pitocin and he explained what it was. She reverently participated with us and told us it was beautiful afterwards. I was grateful for the reassurance I received from his blessing, that my body would do what it was made to do.
They started pitocin at 2 ml per unit, and then every half hour to hour they would increase it by 2. The highest it ever got during my labor was 10, and then the baby didn't like that, so they lowered it by 2 from there. In the last hours of labor, I was only given 4 ml per unit.
In the early parts of labor I walked around, bounced on the ball, and moved in other ways while we watched HGTV. I realized partway through this that maybe I should conserve more energy at that time since labor was bound to pick up on its own anyway. Later I layed down in bed on my side and listened to labor and birth hypnosis and meditation tracks. With each contraction, I would think thoughts like, "My body is opening up and preparing to move my baby down and out. This intense sensation is not dangerous to me in any way. It is simply my body's way of bringing my baby to me." I imagined my cervix was like a flower, slowly blooming. I breathed through them and tried to relax.
During this time, I didn't actually think much about an epidural. I think I knew labor would progress somewhat quickly and I felt proud of how I was handling each contraction. I think I avoided thinking about it to see if I could continue on, unmedicated.
After laying in bed for a while, I got back on the ball and leaned over into a stack of pillows on the bed, while breathing out with "horse lips." Ina May encourages this to help you loosen your jaw and relax, which correlates to the relaxation of the pelvis as well. If your mouth/jaw is tight, the rest of your body isn't likely to relax. After doing that for a while, I decided I should get in the tub, since contractions would get stronger and I knew I may not be able to move to the tub if I waited too long.
I got in the warm water and it felt good, although leaning against the hard tub floor and walls didn't feel so good. I should mention that I also of course had an IV pole with me throughout all of this, and I had to consider that with each movement. I had to position my arm so the IV wouldn't be submerged. At this point, the contractions did get stronger and my horse lip breathing turned into vocalized moans. I tried to stay in the tub as long as I could, and then when I felt the impulse I stood up to get out.
During all of this and through the birth, I had a very kind nurse with a quiet presence named Jamie. I think she thought I was doing pretty well, and so she left me to myself for the most part. When I got out of the tub I went back to the ball/bed and told her I was open to any suggestions or ideas she had of things to try. She began doing hip squeezes and rubbing my back during contractions. Craig rubbed my back as well and assured me I was doing great.
At this point, things seemed to get a lot more intense. My sense of time went out the window–I don't know how long this hardest part of labor lasted. I didn't want to look at the clock to think how long I had been in each position. I was on all fours on the bed, leaning onto a stack of pillows with each contraction. I had my eyes closed and kind of started to shut everything else out. My moaning became more intense and turned into louder groans, and eventually almost yelling. Sometimes the intensity of the contraction took my breath away and I was so grateful for the breaks I had in between. I can't be sure, but at some point during this time they checked me and I was at a 6 or 7 and things progressed pretty quickly from there.
I struggled to stay present and to surrender to the contractions like I knew I should; or I should say–I knew having that mindset would help me the most. I began to be sorrowful and to resist the pain. I knew in the back of my mind it was too late for an epidural, and so I had to continue on. I remember thinking of the Savior in Gethsemane. How did he suffer the pains of every person? I was only suffering relatively minor pain to bring one soul into the world, while He suffered for all. How did He not shrink? I felt like I was shrinking psychologically, which doesn't help the pain. The mind-body connection is very real and I had hoped to tap into that more effectively during this experience.
I asked if I could try nitrous oxide. I was willing to do anything to take the edge off. I knew the statistics on nitrous oxide weren't super great, but if it helped even a small percentage of women with pain, I was willing to see if I was one of them. My nurse read the instructions to me and I had to shakily sign the paper in between a contraction. A male nurse came and brought in all the equipment. He had me breathe into the mask several times, only to say that it wasn't working and he needed to fix something before I tried again. That was discouraging. After about 3 tries, it was finally working. Craig told me later that the male nurse who had set it up realized that it actually WAS working that whole time, it was just a newer model/mask that he wasn't as familiar with. So I inhaled more nitrous oxide than I thought. My verdict? It didn't help my pain at all. All it did was make me feel extremely loopy and tired. I stopped using it shortly thereafter.
That didn't matter much, because around this time I felt like maybe I could push with contractions. My midwife checked me and I was at a 9. The baby's oxygen was lower than they wanted, and so she wanted me to start pushing to move things along. They turned me over to my side and lifted my legs into an open position. Things got pretty intense and crazy from this point on. About 10 nurses ran into the room and started setting up equipment. I was yelling with each contraction now as I tried to push. Pushing didn't feel as great as I hoped it would. The ring of fire was definitely there and it just burned. Craig told me later that my midwife had her hands up the birth canal and was trying to gently open things up so the baby could come out. A nurse holding up my leg told me to stop yelling and to focus on breathing in deeply so I had more energy with each push. She sounded harsh, but I knew she was right and that I did need to take better deep breaths if things were to go smoothly. The urgency in the room was palpable, as I think they continued to be concerned about the baby's oxygen.
Within 3 to 4 pushes, the baby was out. I caught a glimpse of her dark hair, just like Lucy had, as they whisked her off. She had swallowed a lot of fluid and meconium and they drained her lungs and stomach. Her feet and hands were also very blue. I knew she was okay and was so grateful she was here.
All I felt at this point was totally drained, physically, emotionally, etc. I had been up all night and was tired from all that my body had been through. I had the shakes between contractions during the latter part of labor, and they continued on after the birth for quite a while. And I truly felt shaken–shaken by the intensity of what I had just been through. Almost traumatized by how much pain I had endured. I felt no rush of energy or euphoria by what I had accomplished, only shock.
I hasten to say that I think there are many reasons for this. I was medicated–not with pain medication, but still medication–and all the IV fluid and pitocin in my body had to effect my labor experience. I had also inhaled a lot of nitrous oxide, which no doubt had an affect on my energy levels after birth. I labored within a medical, sterile environment, without the kind of support that women receive from midwives and doulas at birthing centers and home births. I wonder what my feelings would have been like without having been induced, and perhaps in a different environment. I will say that if I ever have to be induced again, it will not be without pain medication. To me it seems that if you're already going to be medicated with pitocin, which can make the pain worse than it would it would be if labor naturally occurred, then why not help yourself to pain meds?
I hope I don't sound too pessimistic about everything. I learned a lot from this experience, and I had a lot to process in the days that followed. It's hard to imagine the state of mind I was in during that pain, now that I've had some distance from it. All I know is, it was hard!!! And birthing is hard work. I had hoped to feel greater joy at what I had accomplished, but alas. Thankfully, I did feel full of joy upon receiving Margaret into my arms. She was so delicate and beautiful. I had a small, first degree tear which my midwife stitched up quickly, and then I was able to sit up and nurse Margaret. She actually latched pretty well and seemed very alert for over an hour. We just gazed at each other. Craig and I agreed she looked a lot like Lucy.
We stayed at the hospital for the rest of that day and left early the next afternoon. Margaret's latch wasn't as good later on, and so I started using a nipple shield like I had with Lucy. However, after getting home I decided to try again without it, and Margaret latched better! So now we don't need it at all which is nice.
When Lucy came to meet her sister she was so happy! She got into bed with me and stared at her in wonder. She loves to hold her. I think she's sad that Margaret can't play with her yet though.
One thing I have noticed that is different with this birth than my first, is the after pains! I had a lot of pain nursing the first several days, but thankfully it's gone now. My milk has come in fully and now I'm dealing with engorgement off and on and constantly trying to avoid a breast infection. So fun : )
We are so grateful for baby Margaret! We have been waiting for her for a few years. She is a cutie and we just love her tiny body! I'm so excited to see what her personality is like as she grows. Right now she nurses really well and hardly spits up. She is mostly happy during awake times, but sometimes not. (There was a day when we wondered if she had colic!) We are so happy to have her in our lives and are so grateful to all who have supported us along this journey!
My due date came and went, and I wasn't too surprised or troubled. Lucy was born at 40 weeks and 5 days, so perhaps this baby would come around that time too, I thought. Besides, due dates just mess with your head! They have a two week margin of error and I wasn't going to let myself worry yet.
And yet, I felt impatient! I wanted this baby to come. I also slightly feared needing to be induced. Induction has risks, including an unwanted C-section if your body doesn't respond and your water has been broken for over 24 hours. I also was hoping to have an unmedicated birth. However, I knew that I would be willing to undergo any medical procedure if it was for me or my baby's safety.
To understand my perspective, it should be known that I read the books, Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and The Gift of Giving Life during pregnancy. These two books demonstrated to me that there are many pros to an unmedicated birth, for many different reasons which I won't go into here. I will just say that it made an unmedicated birth very desirable to me.
Thanksgiving was also the same day as my birthday, and we enjoyed the day with friends in the ward. On Black Friday afternoon, we went to my appointment and ultrasound. At this point I was 40 weeks and 6 days. During the ultrasound they informed me that my water was very low. A range of 10-20 is normal, 5-10 is okay, but my level was 4.15. If it were to continue to decline, the umbilical cord would be at risk. The nurse practitioner I saw that day called my midwife at the hospital to consult, and then told me I should go in to be induced that evening. I was so surprised! Induction had been on my mind lately, and so I'm glad I had time to mentally prepare myself for that possibility.
We drove home in a tizzy to pack our things and take Lucy to our friends' house. I felt nervous, but excited. I remember thinking that at this point, I should probably expect to receive an epidural. Contractions from induction medication can be very strong and intense, and most women don't go pain-med free when being induced. I didn't want to have that expectation on myself, and I was fine with that.
When we got to the hospital we were left to get situated for a while. I promptly ordered dinner to ensure my energy levels would be up. I bounced on an exercise ball for a while to see if that could help prepare my body to go into labor. I also had applied a high amount of clary sage essential oil to specific points on my body to see if that would help.
After being checked, they told me I was dilated to a 3 and that this would definitely mean induction should go smoothly. It was also very likely to work because this was my 2nd child. To my surprise, when they hooked me up to monitor contractions, it showed I was already having some, about 5 minutes apart! I was so happy! I had noticed some back pain earlier, but thought it was just my typical pregnancy back pain! I would still be given pitocin, but at the lowest dose to help move things along.
The very kind nurse we had during this time stated that if there was anything spiritual we wanted to emphasize with our birth, they would be totally respectful of that. I told her my husband would give me a priesthood blessing before we started the pitocin and he explained what it was. She reverently participated with us and told us it was beautiful afterwards. I was grateful for the reassurance I received from his blessing, that my body would do what it was made to do.
They started pitocin at 2 ml per unit, and then every half hour to hour they would increase it by 2. The highest it ever got during my labor was 10, and then the baby didn't like that, so they lowered it by 2 from there. In the last hours of labor, I was only given 4 ml per unit.
In the early parts of labor I walked around, bounced on the ball, and moved in other ways while we watched HGTV. I realized partway through this that maybe I should conserve more energy at that time since labor was bound to pick up on its own anyway. Later I layed down in bed on my side and listened to labor and birth hypnosis and meditation tracks. With each contraction, I would think thoughts like, "My body is opening up and preparing to move my baby down and out. This intense sensation is not dangerous to me in any way. It is simply my body's way of bringing my baby to me." I imagined my cervix was like a flower, slowly blooming. I breathed through them and tried to relax.
During this time, I didn't actually think much about an epidural. I think I knew labor would progress somewhat quickly and I felt proud of how I was handling each contraction. I think I avoided thinking about it to see if I could continue on, unmedicated.
After laying in bed for a while, I got back on the ball and leaned over into a stack of pillows on the bed, while breathing out with "horse lips." Ina May encourages this to help you loosen your jaw and relax, which correlates to the relaxation of the pelvis as well. If your mouth/jaw is tight, the rest of your body isn't likely to relax. After doing that for a while, I decided I should get in the tub, since contractions would get stronger and I knew I may not be able to move to the tub if I waited too long.
I got in the warm water and it felt good, although leaning against the hard tub floor and walls didn't feel so good. I should mention that I also of course had an IV pole with me throughout all of this, and I had to consider that with each movement. I had to position my arm so the IV wouldn't be submerged. At this point, the contractions did get stronger and my horse lip breathing turned into vocalized moans. I tried to stay in the tub as long as I could, and then when I felt the impulse I stood up to get out.
During all of this and through the birth, I had a very kind nurse with a quiet presence named Jamie. I think she thought I was doing pretty well, and so she left me to myself for the most part. When I got out of the tub I went back to the ball/bed and told her I was open to any suggestions or ideas she had of things to try. She began doing hip squeezes and rubbing my back during contractions. Craig rubbed my back as well and assured me I was doing great.
At this point, things seemed to get a lot more intense. My sense of time went out the window–I don't know how long this hardest part of labor lasted. I didn't want to look at the clock to think how long I had been in each position. I was on all fours on the bed, leaning onto a stack of pillows with each contraction. I had my eyes closed and kind of started to shut everything else out. My moaning became more intense and turned into louder groans, and eventually almost yelling. Sometimes the intensity of the contraction took my breath away and I was so grateful for the breaks I had in between. I can't be sure, but at some point during this time they checked me and I was at a 6 or 7 and things progressed pretty quickly from there.
I struggled to stay present and to surrender to the contractions like I knew I should; or I should say–I knew having that mindset would help me the most. I began to be sorrowful and to resist the pain. I knew in the back of my mind it was too late for an epidural, and so I had to continue on. I remember thinking of the Savior in Gethsemane. How did he suffer the pains of every person? I was only suffering relatively minor pain to bring one soul into the world, while He suffered for all. How did He not shrink? I felt like I was shrinking psychologically, which doesn't help the pain. The mind-body connection is very real and I had hoped to tap into that more effectively during this experience.
I asked if I could try nitrous oxide. I was willing to do anything to take the edge off. I knew the statistics on nitrous oxide weren't super great, but if it helped even a small percentage of women with pain, I was willing to see if I was one of them. My nurse read the instructions to me and I had to shakily sign the paper in between a contraction. A male nurse came and brought in all the equipment. He had me breathe into the mask several times, only to say that it wasn't working and he needed to fix something before I tried again. That was discouraging. After about 3 tries, it was finally working. Craig told me later that the male nurse who had set it up realized that it actually WAS working that whole time, it was just a newer model/mask that he wasn't as familiar with. So I inhaled more nitrous oxide than I thought. My verdict? It didn't help my pain at all. All it did was make me feel extremely loopy and tired. I stopped using it shortly thereafter.
That didn't matter much, because around this time I felt like maybe I could push with contractions. My midwife checked me and I was at a 9. The baby's oxygen was lower than they wanted, and so she wanted me to start pushing to move things along. They turned me over to my side and lifted my legs into an open position. Things got pretty intense and crazy from this point on. About 10 nurses ran into the room and started setting up equipment. I was yelling with each contraction now as I tried to push. Pushing didn't feel as great as I hoped it would. The ring of fire was definitely there and it just burned. Craig told me later that my midwife had her hands up the birth canal and was trying to gently open things up so the baby could come out. A nurse holding up my leg told me to stop yelling and to focus on breathing in deeply so I had more energy with each push. She sounded harsh, but I knew she was right and that I did need to take better deep breaths if things were to go smoothly. The urgency in the room was palpable, as I think they continued to be concerned about the baby's oxygen.
Within 3 to 4 pushes, the baby was out. I caught a glimpse of her dark hair, just like Lucy had, as they whisked her off. She had swallowed a lot of fluid and meconium and they drained her lungs and stomach. Her feet and hands were also very blue. I knew she was okay and was so grateful she was here.
All I felt at this point was totally drained, physically, emotionally, etc. I had been up all night and was tired from all that my body had been through. I had the shakes between contractions during the latter part of labor, and they continued on after the birth for quite a while. And I truly felt shaken–shaken by the intensity of what I had just been through. Almost traumatized by how much pain I had endured. I felt no rush of energy or euphoria by what I had accomplished, only shock.
I hasten to say that I think there are many reasons for this. I was medicated–not with pain medication, but still medication–and all the IV fluid and pitocin in my body had to effect my labor experience. I had also inhaled a lot of nitrous oxide, which no doubt had an affect on my energy levels after birth. I labored within a medical, sterile environment, without the kind of support that women receive from midwives and doulas at birthing centers and home births. I wonder what my feelings would have been like without having been induced, and perhaps in a different environment. I will say that if I ever have to be induced again, it will not be without pain medication. To me it seems that if you're already going to be medicated with pitocin, which can make the pain worse than it would it would be if labor naturally occurred, then why not help yourself to pain meds?
I hope I don't sound too pessimistic about everything. I learned a lot from this experience, and I had a lot to process in the days that followed. It's hard to imagine the state of mind I was in during that pain, now that I've had some distance from it. All I know is, it was hard!!! And birthing is hard work. I had hoped to feel greater joy at what I had accomplished, but alas. Thankfully, I did feel full of joy upon receiving Margaret into my arms. She was so delicate and beautiful. I had a small, first degree tear which my midwife stitched up quickly, and then I was able to sit up and nurse Margaret. She actually latched pretty well and seemed very alert for over an hour. We just gazed at each other. Craig and I agreed she looked a lot like Lucy.
We stayed at the hospital for the rest of that day and left early the next afternoon. Margaret's latch wasn't as good later on, and so I started using a nipple shield like I had with Lucy. However, after getting home I decided to try again without it, and Margaret latched better! So now we don't need it at all which is nice.
When Lucy came to meet her sister she was so happy! She got into bed with me and stared at her in wonder. She loves to hold her. I think she's sad that Margaret can't play with her yet though.
One thing I have noticed that is different with this birth than my first, is the after pains! I had a lot of pain nursing the first several days, but thankfully it's gone now. My milk has come in fully and now I'm dealing with engorgement off and on and constantly trying to avoid a breast infection. So fun : )
We are so grateful for baby Margaret! We have been waiting for her for a few years. She is a cutie and we just love her tiny body! I'm so excited to see what her personality is like as she grows. Right now she nurses really well and hardly spits up. She is mostly happy during awake times, but sometimes not. (There was a day when we wondered if she had colic!) We are so happy to have her in our lives and are so grateful to all who have supported us along this journey!
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