Putting it Together...Bit by Bit


This last week has been...rough. Going on Facebook, for me, has involved wincing. From Trump being inaugurated to the Women's March, there has been so much division and negativity. I've been trying to process it all. Feelings are strong. Opinions are set. I have thoughts...several, in fact. Some of my observations about the current atmosphere on Facebook are as follows:

  1. One problem I see is that both sides of the political spectrum attack the most extreme ends of the other side. For example, conservatives may view liberal women who marched as nothing but abortion-loving fiends. Liberal women who marched may view all conservative women as out of touch and in denial of reality. I would bet a lot of money on the fact that the vast majority of us are more moderate than it would seem–you just don't see any sense of being moderate on Facebook these days. We feel that in order to reinforce our views we must be harsh and intense. 
  2. Another problem–political posts on Facebook do virtually nothing to change opinions. We are all quite set in our opinions. Articles may give us more perspective than we had before, but generally they only reinforce our view that the "other" side is wrong. I like to think that if I am sharing something political on Facebook, I am simply making a stand for things I believe in. People are welcome to agree or disagree. I think Facebook is truly a place to share, and I hope it can continue to be. 
  3. Condescension seems to be the order of the day when attacking the other side. If we make ourselves appear to have the moral high ground, then we feel more secure in our argument. I have seen this on both sides of the spectrum and I am guilty of it myself. Bitterness and meanness are rampant. 

With these points in mind...I want to attempt something. I want to try to express my thoughts and feelings about recent events without attacking, without being condescending, and without being rude! *Gasp!* Sorry, I couldn't help myself there. I also want to see if I can help bridge the gap a little between the two ends of the political spectrum. I'm still putting together my opinions, so please be patient with me. Let's see if I can do it! 

 Now, some background. I personally believe that there are principles and truths that never change, no matter the situation. (I believe God has something to do with that, to learn more, click here).

 One of those truths is that men and women are equal. They are born equal, they have equal potential, and equal purpose. 

 The problem is that many humans don't honor that truth consistently. Which has led to so many of the social problems you see today. So, what can we do about this? How can we fix this huge problem? Many people throughout history to the present have done and are doing a lot. One example is the Equal Pay Act of 1963, signed by John F. Kennedy. This intended to abolish wage disparity based on sex (thank you, Google). Another example is the 19th amendment passed in 1920, which allowed women the right to vote. This was the result of decades of effort from the women's suffrage movement. 

 As far as I am aware (correct me if I am missing something), the right laws are in place to honor the equality that is between men and women. And yet, there are still so many problems. Rape, sexual harassment, and other heinous crimes abound. Men still objectify women's bodies. People place value on a woman based on her sexual attractiveness. There are still instances of women with the same level of experience being paid less than men for the same job. So...what do we do about these things? 

  1. Awareness and Resources: Awareness has and is being generated by things like women's marches, non-profit organizations, social media campaigns, women's safe houses, Title IX policies and procedures, campus groups, etc. I could go on and on. Keep up the good work! 
  2. Reinforce Laws: I'm a little ignorant about this, but I'm assuming that if anyone personally witnesses a pay gap problem, for example, in their own workplace, could they take it to court? Call their senate and congressmen? My point is, if we see equality being violated in any way, we can do something about it! Call the cops, talk to your boss, don't let it continue, find support from others to help you in your specific situation. 

Please let me know what else is being done to fight inequality and other things I know I am totally missing here! I've been surprised that on Facebook at least, I have heard very little about solutions to the problems being talked about–I've only heard people angrily talking about the problems. What more is being done? What can we specifically do? 

 (*Note: I just now saw the 10 Actions for the first 100 days on the women's march website. Those seem like good things!) 

 Alright. Now I'm going to express some additional feelings and thoughts I've had in the last week. If you disagree, please be kind, and remember that you probably won't be able to change my opinion. But if you want to have a genuine discussion or have genuine questions, please private message me or email me with them. I am up for that! I just don't think Facebook comment sections are really the ideal place to have them...it turns into more of a spectator sport and less of a productive discussion. 

 Continuing on with women's equality...we have laws and policies, we're creating more awareness and campaigns...what is missing? In my opinion, morality. 

 I believe that if humankind truly believed in the infinite worth of their fellow human beings, there would be no rape, harassment, or objectifying. There wouldn't be discrimination. I feel that it is the lack of morals that has primarily led to so many problems, especially with violence against women. 

 If I ever have a son, I will do all in my power to teach him that women are equal to him, and that they deserve complete respect and dignity. As many have put it, women's rights are human rights. We need to view each other as humans of worth! 

 A huge contributor to the lack of morality we see today, I believe, comes from the media we consume daily. Countless TV shows, ads, movies, video games, and the ever indicted pornography industry, continuously portray women as less than men. They portray women as objects to be enjoyed, more silly, useless, and only valuable for sexual purposes.  

 Speaking of pornography...(many of you know I am passionate about this). Let's think about this: if we put billions of dollars every year into an industry that objectifies women, what can we expect? If a young man watches hours and hours of this, how can he see women as his equal? How can we not expect that he will primarily focus on a woman's sexual features? It has been found that pornography wires the brain to see other humans as objects for you to enjoy. It reroutes where sexual stimuli go in your brain. If millions of Americans consume this daily, they will not come out feeling that each and every human deserves dignity and respect. It's just not the natural process of pornography. 

 I believe that increased morality will lead to a decrease in social problems, including women's equality issues. Laws are good for setting a standard, but all to often they are broken. We've seen that with the prohibition act, and many today are arguing that less drug laws will mean less drug wars and eventually less drug use. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that, but that is a discussion for another day. 

 My opinion on the birth control issue is still developing (please allow me that). I confess I am not aware of what President Trump specifically plans to do; it's hard to know which news reports to believe. But I hope birth control will continue to be available on insurance plans at a reduced cost. I don't really like the tone of, "the government automatically owes me [blank]" because of my conservative beliefs, but on the other hand, I am currently a very grateful recipient of Medicaid and all of the benefits I receive from that at this time in my life. I believe everyone should have access to birth control, but maybe it doesn't all have to come from the government? If healthcare weren't so dang expensive (why is that? Maybe someone can help me with that...) maybe everyone could afford to just pick it up at the drugstore! Anyway, there are a lot of issues with our health care system that make the birth control thing more complex to me than it is for others, I guess. 

 As for my feelings on abortion, they can be summed up very easily in this quotation: 

 ....Okay, so I cannot for the life of me find that quote! 😄 But this is what it basically said: A human's right to life supersedes a woman's right to decide whether or not to remain pregnant. If you see fetuses as humans (which I do) they are entitled to the same laws that govern life outside of the womb...one of which is it is illegal to kill. Here is another way of putting it from Abortionfacts.com:

"The mother has not only the right to live, but also the right to the lifestyle of her choice—as long as that choice does not rob other people of even more fundamental rights, the most basic of which is the right to live. The right to a certain lifestyle is never absolute and unconditional. It is always governed by its effects on others."

Alright. That's all. I hope I achieved my goal. I have opinions, which many will disagree with, but I hope I expressed them in a kind, thoughtful, and true-to-myself way. Some of my opinions are not fully developed, which I hope is acceptable. I have tried to be real here. Again, if you genuinely wish to discuss any points with me, please email or private message me. Thanks! 

Comments

  1. AngieJanuary 26, 2017 at 1:16 PM

    I know I don't know you very well, but I have enjoyed reading your FB posts. I also really enjoyed this post and I agree with almost all of it - so how is that for common ground? :)
    I believe most people on both sides are essentially moral people. That doesn't necessarily mean they have the exact same definition of what morality is, but most people believe in a Biblical morality, i.e. it is not okay to kill another person, to steal or cheat another person, etc.
    When we start getting into sexual morals that becomes a bit fuzzier - for example you and I believe there should be no sex outside of marriage, but there are good, moral people who believe it's completely moral to express yourself in that way as long as it's consensual.
    I know of many people (from my work mostly) who view porn on occasion, and they are moral people in every other way. Again, my personal view on porn is that it's harmful, but others would argue that as long as it's produced by professionals (I know, that sounds weird to say) who are fully on board with the work they are doing and getting paid for it, it isn't hurting anyone and is all in good fun. We LDS do have a tendency sometimes to overinflate the porn issue, I believe, by calling the occasional, casual viewing an "addiction". It can be an addiction, but is not always so. Anyway, I agree with you on a personal level about porn, but I do see that we also can't force our moral values on others or assume they are not moral just because they believe differently. (end part 1)

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    1. MarianneJanuary 26, 2017 at 5:02 PM

      Thanks Angie, I agree! Most of the people I grew up with believe sex outside of marriage is completely moral (along with most of the world!) and I recognize we can't force the commandments God has given us on everyone. At the same time, I think in sharing the gospel we naturally invite people to live a different way, a way we believe God has asked us to live so that we can ultimately be the happiest we can be.

      When I talk about bringing back morality, I am mostly talking about common decency in our conduct. For example, treating others with respect no matter our position of power or if they are different from us. President Trump struggles with this as has been shown time and time again. If we all teach our children about the worth of every human, I think our interactions will be different and kindness would be more prevalent than hateful actions and words. No one party is more moral over the other--I just think this is something we should all push for, no matter the party! It's a problem in our modern culture that affects all of us.

      And I agree with you about porn as well. I spent a semester in college studying pornography addiction and there were debates about whether or not it is always an addiction. I think in our over-sexualized world, it is not always an addiction. Many people occasionally view porn but they don't suffer the adverse affects of addiction. However, I still think it affects the way we view sexuality and also women, the stars in porn. People constantly looking at naked bodies that have been tailored to be as sexual as possible...I think that has to affect us in some way, even if it isn't addiction. I think it makes women feel the need to be more sexually appealing because of what men are always looking at. Anyway, it's a complex issue.

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  2. AngieJanuary 26, 2017 at 1:20 PM

    (part 2)

    Abortion is a hard one. I am anti-abortion. I am also pro-choice. Sounds like an oxymoron? I don't think so. I wish it weren't a thing, but in some cases it really is necessary. Even according the LDS Handbook, in some cases it is acceptable. One thing that really started to change my mind on this was a former missionary friend I had a discussion with who needed an abortion to save her life. She had a young son at home and felt like being there for him was important. The pregnancy was not viable and was threatening her life. She sought multiple opinions, all of whom agreed that termination was the right choice. She sought the counsel of her bishop, who also agreed. After confirming this through prayer, she went into her doctor's office and had a safe termination without judgment. She expressed to me how grateful she was for her agency, for wise medical advice, and for inspired leaders who helped her come to this decision. She was grateful that she did not need to sneak into an illegal clinic for an unregulated and potentially unsafe abortion. Everything was done in a manner that was respectful to her and to her unborn child. That doesn't mean it didn't break her heart, but she received counseling and is now adamantly pro-choice. For me personally, I think this is a decision that should be made between a woman, her doctor, her husband or partner, and God. I don't think late-term abortions should be allowed except in extreme medical cases (and contrary to what sometimes floats around out there, almost all abortions after 20 weeks are medically recommended, not to correct an "oops"). Having said all that, a beating heart is a beating heart and that makes abortion extremely serious, definitely not a choice to be made lightly. Women who have them will have to answer to God just as we all will for our choices. Education and access to birth control are making huge strides in preventing unwanted pregnancy so abortion is less and less necessary - the abortion rate is the lowest it has been since before Roe v. Wade. I don't believe Roe v. Wade will ever be overturned, and thus it is now up to us to educate and prevent as many abortions as we can. That's best done through education and providing helps to women who choose to carry the pregnancy and want to raise a child with overwhelming economic difficulties. I think it's hypocritical for people to say you're a murderer for aborting your baby, but if you ask for help afterwards you're a drain on society.
    Birth control is really expensive and almost never covered by insurance. When I was getting married, I went to an OB/GYN and was shocked at how much it was going to be (almost $40/month and this was almost 20 years ago). So a friend told me about Planned Parenthood, I went to their little office in Provo, and got birth control for $5/month. The doctor there joked with me that almost all her patients were BYU students there for birth control.
    Anyway, I do want to thank you for being thoughtful about things. What I have seen on FB recently has been really discouraging because it's so extreme on both sides. I agree with you that the majority of us are more moderate and not really that far apart on things. I think a lot of the extremism right now goes back to the morality issue, actually. People have such different views of that. To me, what is immoral is constantly cheating, lying, bragging about sexual assault, taking away people's healthcare, race-baiting, etc. and to me these things are epitomized in the president. I don't consider him to be a moral person, but somehow people are willing to excuse him because his party affiliation is the "moral" party. While I am not a Democrat, I have come to know and love many of them and I see their empathy and compassion for others as very moral and Christlike. I am in a field that is very much on the liberal side, and I think that has helped me to see a different side of things than I once did.

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    1. MarianneJanuary 26, 2017 at 5:12 PM

      I agree with you on abortion as well, I just didn't want to spend too long on abortion in my post. There are certainly circumstances when it is necessary, but from what I understand it's fairly rare. That's why I wonder if we could just have doctors trained to do an abortion when it is necessary, rather than having clinics just for that? I don't know. One stat I heard was that about 1% of abortions are from rape/incest and when conditions are unsafe for the mother. I don't know know where that came from though.

      That's interesting about your insurance. When I was first married I did the pill for a year and I don't remember it costing much on my insurance...although, I was still on my parent's insurance at the time (I was 22 and you have it till 26) and they had Aetna. I have no idea if that affects things. I think it was only about $10 but I don't remember exactly. My husband pointed out to me that one of the reasons drugs cost so much is because of all of the studies that have to happen before they can be put out on the market. There's a lot of liability issues with each drug that sells. Not to mention Big Pharma...I wish costs of needed drugs in general weren't so high. I ended up stopping the pill after a year because I didn't like the side affects I was having, and then 10 months later I was pregnant with Lucy : )

      Thanks for your thoughts! It is certainly important I think to see the other side and try to understand where everyone is coming from. One of my Aunts was just telling me that she used to be a journalist for NASA in the '80s and journalism was so different back then...she said they tried to report the truth of what happened and be completely neutral. There was a high standard of that. Now, so much is slanted and it's hard to know what to believe. I'm always hesitant to react to big headlines because I wonder if it's been blown out of proportion. But, all we can do is carry on in good causes! Thanks

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